So my test results were not great. Okay that's an understatement. They are awful but we are going to try anyway.
IVF consists of three little simple letters. The reality is so much larger. The physical, emotional and psychological toll is immense. We go to Cleveland and they teach us how to do the injections. Small insulin type shots in the belly twice a day and after the egg retrieval then 1.5 inch long shots in the butt nightly for 10 weeks. They call the small shots liquid gold...because gold would actually be cheaper to purchase!
I start my shots and we make the three hour trip (one way) to Cleveland every three days so they can monitor my progress. Cleveland attempts to hyper-stimulate my one remaining ovary to get it to produce an abundance of eggs that can be fertilized and or frozen. After one week I have 6 follicles. YAY!!!
We are not telling Sam's family anything at this point. He is afraid they will get their hopes up and if this doesn't work then he doesn't want them devastated. It will be hard enough on us.
We are scheduled for a BIG appointment on Sunday, June 19th...Father's Day. Everyone tells us this is a great portent. Constant monitoring is required because this is a delicate procedure and
over stimulation of the ovaries can be a major medical problem
requiring hospitalization. I still have reservations. There is a small nagging voice in mind telling me that something is wrong.
We have the appointment at 9am on Father's Day. They might need to monitor me the next day but we won't know until the results of my blood work come back in an hour. We stay in the area. No point to drive most of the way home if we have to turn around. We ate breakfast at Eat N Park and sit next to a hugely pregnant woman. I take this as a good sign. The doctor hadn't called after an hour and a half so Sam and I find a little park nearby where we can relax and wait.
The call comes and the doctor says for some reason my estrogen is dropping. He made them rerun the test and the second time it was even lower. There is no point to continue. It's not working. The only way we will have a baby is if I use an egg donor.
I am devastated. I never should have gotten my hopes up.
If we want a child it will not be genetically related to me. I can carry the baby but it will belong to Sam and some other woman.
I inform my friends and family of the situation.
It was a tough ride home. The advantage of having a nervous breakdown in rest stop on the Ohio Turnpike is that at least everyone else is traveling too and I won't have to face them ever again. It's not like I lost it in Minteer's in Claysville and will hereafter be known in our community as the crazy girl!
We stop in Canfield Ohio on the way home and get a motel room. After a nap Sam wants to go see the car show in the parking lot adjoining the motel. I swear every person at the car show had a baby. Babies in strollers, babies in playpens. At one point I think I saw a baby holding a baby.
But I am resilient. When I get knocked down I might scream and cry for a few days but I get back up and keep going. I think the gas leases were an excellent preparation for the whole IVF process. I can't count the number of times we had to pick ourselves up and find a new way. The times we had nothing and somehow turned it into gold.
Someone once told me, "There is no quit in you." It's one of the best compliments I ever received. Okay it's one of the few compliments I've ever received. Sam says it's not a compliment...it's a critique of my stubbornness.
So the big question that I ask repeatedly is, "How do I pick a woman to have a baby with my husband?"
No one has an answer for that...not even Bossman.
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