I know it's been a while but when last we left the drama...or is it trauma that is my life, Sam and I were getting ready to go to Cleveland to see about IVF treatments. I personally don't know anyone that has gone through IVF. I know people that have adopted. I know people that took shots and got pregnant. I do know however that we will both need medical work ups and in Sam's case that includes a "sample" of his "manness" (insert giggle here).
We've done the "sample" thing before but we that time we just took it to Wheeling. They said it ok. That's all the info we got and because it was 9 years ago I'm pretty sure he's going to have to "give at the office".
We go to Cleveland and they are very nice. They discuss the tests that they are going to run. A Cystic Fibrosis test on Sam, our blood types, STD's, and something I mishear as an Anti-Maleria Hormone. Several things amaze me about these tests. One is that anyone on the street can get pregnant and not have to have all these tests and I know don't have malaria so that should be a simple no...right? HAH
We both go for the blood tests and I get into a fight with the lab technician. We are waiting for our money money from Chesapeake and I am actually emailing the leasing company from the clinic trying to find it. The money is due in our hands in two days and no one knows where it is. I mention to Sam when she is drawing his blood that the money isn't here. The tech starts looking at us oddly so I said to her, "We are waiting for a check from a particular gas company to fund all of this. Have you ever heard of the Marcellus Shale?"
She proceeds to go off on how horizontal wells kill everyone and why would we do such a thing and didn't we read the internet and we should have had a lawyer.
My retort was coal companies kill more people than natural gas wells, I needed the money for IVF, I read the internet reports, we had three lawyers, and did I mention I NEEDED THE MONEY FOR IVF?
She keeps arguing and I, in my usual pissy way, answer each question with,"but they paid me a lot of money". All of her arguments are countered by my apparent greed.
Everyone has a right to their opinion. You can agree with Marcellus wells or not. One day I may look back and regret our decisions but I will never regret helping my family or my community. I didn't really do it for greed...I did it for IVF.
She finally gives up after repeatedly banging her head on the brick wall that is my stubbornness (Sam calls me Irish for a reason!)...and we move onto "THE SAMPLE!" (giggle)
Now I am not allowed to tell you everything that happened. No blow by blow (pun intended) descriptions. I have been sworn to secrecy about some things. BUT I can tell you Cleveland has a room they send you into to get the "sample" (giggle). A room that has a bed and an adjoining bathroom and I get to go in with him. This sounds cozy right?? WRONG Everyone on the whole floor knows what the room is used for and there are people walking back and forth down the hall the whole time chatting about their day. At least block off the hall with caution tape and those wet floor cones. It's enough to put a guy off his game!
Cut to next scene where I emerge from the room triumphantly holding his "sample"...in a cup...I'm still a little confused as to why I had to carry it. It's not like he was tricking them into thinking it was mine.
Call in one week.
I call to get the following information: Remember that AMH that I mistook as Anti Maleria Hormone? They were actually saying Anti Mullerian Hormone. It's a number that shows your ovarian reserve. They like the number to be 1 or above. Mine is .19....my blood type is O+...as in OH no we're + this isn't going to be easy.
Sam I am informed has super swimmers. They like the numbers to be 20 million. His are 52 million....his blood type is A+...apparently he deserved an A+ for having super swimmers.
It's one thing to think you're the problem...it's devastating to have it confirmed over the phone.
So I guess if I hadn't screwed the lid tightly on the cup then his "swimmers" would have escaped and randomly impregnated women throughout the Cleveland area.
It's like a horror movie.
Starring me.
